Melanie, Melanie, Melanie. When will you learn that no amount of collagen and Artefill will ever make you as gorgeous as Catherine Zeta-Jones? You're at the point where your upper lip is actually fatter than your lower lip, which is gross and unnatural, yet you choose to play it up with red lipstick that makes you look like Courtney Love. That's right, look at CZJ in envy, and thank your lucky stars that your hot husband hasn't come to his senses yet.

Photo: Lester Cohen/WireImage.com