A couple of nights ago I caught the VH1 Big in 05 Awards on TV. Jessica Simpson made a fool of herself, Carson Kressley and Jenny McCarthy did the same. Business as usual! Then the girls from Laguna Beach introduced INXS. INXS? I was vaguely aware of a reality show aimed at finding them a new lead singer, but this was the first time I had seen the reunited band.

The new guy, JD Fortune (top), looks like he belongs on American Idol. The man wears eyeliner. And not in a Freddie Mercury or Green Day or David Bowie kind of way. He wears eyeliner like Jared Leto (bottom) in Alexander (or, Jared Leto onstage, for that matter). The makeup doesn't make him look edgy, or punk rock, or whatever. He - like Jared - is pretty, and thus the eyeliner just makes him look like a girl.

Guys, please stop telling yourselves that this is a good idea! If you have a baby face, "great cheekbones," and have better hair than I do, you should not be wearing eyeliner. It is not flattering. In fact, it reminds me of that episode of That 70s Show when Ashton Kutcher lets his girlfriend put eye makeup on him, and ten minutes later he ends up in a full face of makeup and a dress.

It is bad enough that this boy Fortune is up there prancing around the stage in his eyeliner, trying to be like Brandon Flowers. But the fact that he is supposed to be a replacement for Michael Hutchence just kills me. No amount of eyeliner will ever make him as cool as Michael Hutchence. He'd better not go messing around with "Need You Tonight," now, either.